Hitting a brick wall with my face

Not literally.

But that's what today feels like. Both kids have had a cold since Friday. Kids love to share their germs. And share they did. I'm on day 2 with a sore/scratchy throat. I'm trying to be proactive about the germs and make minimal contact, but when you work in a job where hand shaking and being interactive with students you kind of have to throw all rules out the window. I cancelled my class last night in hopes that I would be better, I am compared to yesterday, but I'm just drained. I'm trying to decide if this is a cold coming on or if my allergies are flaring up. My personal opinion is that it is just allergies.

It's been three weeks and two days since the kids have talked to their mom. It's not from a lack of our part. Dustin has called, the kids have called, and they've even texted. All with no response. The kids are starting to feel the effects from that too. I had them write their mom a letter and I mailed it in hopes that they would get something. Right now we are still waiting. Waiting for a hi, leave me alone, I can't take this, something, anything.

I was hoping that this wouldn't happen and that the kids wouldn't feel this way. I've heard them say that they think mommy doesn't want them anymore. Dustin and I have our work cut out and explain to them that mommy does want them and that she will always be their mommy.

I need strength to get me through this. Or a lot of starbucks. No really I need strength. Watching a child just scream out because she is so angry and another who has nightmares because she feels abandoned makes you feel helpless when you don't know what to do.

The kids know that they are loved and that they are in a much better environment. But that doesn't change the fact that their mom is void right now and they are wanting to fill that void. Meagan calls me mom from time to time or makes the comment that I am "the best mom in the world." As much as it is flattering and a term of endearment, my position is not to take the place of their mom. I'm here to be a role model, a mother-like figure, but not mom. Even if I were to ever gain legal guardianship I dont think that mom would ever be a suitable name when I'm so used to them calling me by my first name.