A new bar has been set

We drove all to the meeting lot so that we could drop the kids off with their mom.

We were a few minutes late because we had to stop so we could get their bellies full before they left. Not sure as to whether or not they were going to get a full meal until next weekend, and we leave them knowing that they are full.

We sit, and watch the time pass. 430, 445,450, 455....nothing. No show. No call. A very pissed off stepmomma and one INSANELY pissed the f off dad. She did not show.  It's one thing to not pick up the phone and call your kids, but to not follow through to pick them up. So they can see you. At the time that I'm writing this I'm beyond words. I have nothing more to say. She has really put a sour taste in their mouths. They didn't even want to call her when we got back home.

I'm not sure what is going to happen in the future.

Tracey feels like she's lied to her classmates and teacher. Friday they were asked what they were going to do over spring break. She told them that she was going to go to their moms. She got home and told us that since she wasn't going that she told a lie. I told her that she didn't tell a lie, but her mom lied. Meagan was heartbroken. Completely heartbroken. She would just stare out the window watching and waiting. Every white car that passed she waited to see if it was her mom pulling into the parking lot. Every car that passed was not her. Every minute that passed was one more minute that she realized that she wasn't going to show.

We finally had to leave at 515. On our way back, her husband Jerry called. They were still in Somerset. His mom, whom they live with and borrowed the car from, said that they had left at three, which would have put them getting to the meeting spot at 415. When Dustin talked to Jerry he said that they left after 4. Again if they left at 4 they would have gotten there by 515.  At 530 they were still in Somerset.

It's going to be  long week I'm sure as the kids filter through the emotions. Right now they are in the pissed off stage. Not sure what to expect next, but I'm sure it'll be a roller coaster.

Will this ever get easier?

We are packing up the kids for a week so that they can spend some time with their mom. I've been on a laundry marathon to get all of their clothes that they can take with them packed. The kids are undoubtedly excited while Dustin and I are dreading this. We aren't keeping them from seeing her, we just know the conditions that they are going to be staying in.

One thing that we are also making sure of is that they aren't taking any nice things down there with them. No new clothes, no earrings, no nice shoes. All of that has to stay up here. Why? We don't trust the people that hang around their mom. You see when you are addicted you will go to any lengths to get the money for that next fix. Even if it means taking nice things from your own kids.....yes it's happened to our kids.

I'm having a hard time with all of this right now. I have a pit in my stomach, and I am dreading that phone call from her saying that she was able to get a car. When we get that call that means that it's time to pack up the car and head to the meeting point.

I'm going to make the best of the day and drink another cup of coffee and finish preparing. It's going to be a quiet week here. So I may be posting more than usual.....it's so I don't go crazy since I won't get to hear from my kids until the day we pick them up. I'm going to need some added strength this week and lots of sprinkled doughnuts.

Battle in the bluegrass-Friday edition

Smell that?
That right there is March Madness in it's finest most exhilarating monumental match-ups in the state.

Today the University of Louisville is matched up against the University of Kentucky once again in the road to the final four. Today is the day where families and friends for one day become disgusted with each other, officemates trash talk all day at work, and the world only sees blue and red.

This week hasn't been a bad week, I'm just really super happy that it's the weekend.

Let's see if I can re-cap the events of the week......
The kids started girl scouts last friday and tomorrow they will be going on their first gs outing. They get to get involved and Dustin and I will have a couple of hours of "our time."

Monday I had a brilliant idea to get Meagan involved in my workouts. I'm not sure if that was a brilliant idea after not being able to walk without a waddle for most of the week. She loves it though. We go to the loop about 2 miles from our house and walk on the path. Every quarter mile (they are marked with posts) she tells me what to do which is included in the walk. For example, she told me to do 35 jumping jacks. NO PROBLEM I said, 45 toe touches SURE! 20 push-ups..................................................She is really excited about getting to work out with me. I hate the soreness that accompanies it right now, but she gets a kick out of it.

Another win for the week is that I started jogging. If there was an award for worlds slowest jogger I would be a top recipient. I think there are grannies in south Florida who power walk faster than I jog. I'm doing it though and maybe one of these years I'll actually be able to run a quarter of a mile.

It's been pretty quiet here otherwise. I hope you all have a great week and I'll check back in next Friday.

I can make this public now.....

My family and fb friends have seen the announcement already, but I got the ok to be able to announce it to the public.

I was nominated last month for an outstanding staff member for an adult learner award and I won. It's a huge honor and I'm beyond excited to have been nominated. There is an awards ceremony next week where I will be given the award. I just couldn't contain my enthusiasm and just all around thrilled.

They need to have a manual for this

It seems like right now I can't do or say anything remotely right to please the kids these days. I'm sure it's due to a lack of ability to go out and play like they want to.

Between bouts of sickness, polar vortex 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, winter storms (speaking of those-when did they start getting names?) time outside has been very limited.

M especially has been very short with me. If I tell her no she gets mad or breaks down. T has been bossy more so than the pre-teen (premadonna) backtalk. We have been through fighting with each other over a belt, having MAJOR meltdowns because her hair wasn't the way she wanted it to lay. I was even thrown under the bus for disciplining and now I treat one better than the other.

I'm trying so hard to keep my cool and take a step back but sometimes it gets underneath my skin so bad.

I'm just feeling like the underdog right now in the mom world. I know what's wrong, but I can't rectify this problem. I can't force a person to step up and be the mom that she is supposed to be. I hate to say this but sometimes I wish she would just sign over her rights or OD. That way the kids would have some closure. But then would they be even more angry or would they pick up and move on?

They get so disappointed when they don't hear from her, and when they get in touch with her its an emotional rush and then a free fall to the bottom when she repeats. Not to mention the lies and the broken promises that are ongoing. I'm trying to stay positive and nurturing, but I really do just want to curl up in a corner some days and just cry.

I feel like they take turns and tag team each other on who's going to get yelled at when. Delana looks like she's had a bad day, smart off to her today and tomorrow I won't listen worth a damn.

They are "supposed" to go down to her house for spring break, but they haven't spoken to her in two weeks. I guess we will have to make alternate plans, just in case she doesn't doesn't follow through, which is quite likely. I'm thinking I might take a day or two off so they aren't stuck at home with a babysitter all week.

Fabulous Friday

Yesterday marked the first day of spring. WOOOHOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!
I'm excited that the calendar says that we are one step closer to saying good-bye to the cold, snow, blah days.....now if Mother Nature would take her midol and get on board things will be a wonderful utopia.

Last Saturday was pretty fabulous. It was sunny and 78 and made for a perfect day to get outdoors and procrastinate on any kind of household chores. I took advantage of the day and the fact that Dustin and the kids had taken a mini-vacation to Somerset for the weekend and had some mom/daughter time with Maddie. Yes, she is my child (especially when she gets in trouble....funny how that works.) Since the weather was pretty superb we heading to the walking trail and walked four miles.

Maddie walking like a big girl in her harness.

One tired pup after four miles of walking. She was begging me to stop walking. 

This week has been a fun week at the kids school with them fundraising for the Crusade for Children. Each day they have been able to bring in donations and either have gotten to wear a non-uniform shirt, dress down, etc. Yesterday was wear a hat to school day. Both girls got to pick out a hat that they liked and really were excited to be able to wear it to school. They even had to get Maddie involved before we left. 

Last night I forgot to turn our heat back on. It got warm enough outside yesterday that I kicked the heater off while the kids were running around and I was prepping dinner. Since it dropped down into the 40's last night and I made the mistake of not turning the heat back on I was cold. Normally Dustin doesn't let me cuddle with him for more than five minutes because he gets too hot. Well at some point I nuzzled next to him so I could get warm. I didn't hear him get up this morning for work and started to cuddle next to him again. To my sleepy surprise he wasn't there. I put my arm across the body laying next to me and it definitely was NOT Dustin. I sleep with my phone next to my head so I can hear my alarm so I grabbed it and flipped on the light. This is the face that I woke up to this morning. Adorable yes, but definitely NOT the face I was expecting.

 We have a local place that serves the best fried fish I think I have ever had. I don't think I have eaten anything bad there. It's one of those places that is a guilty pleasure and you can't eat there but a couple of times a year because it's fried food and you don't want to eat a lot of that. I hadn't been in a couple of years, but last Saturday my stepdaddy took me out to lunch. I was amazed at the gorgeous wood sculptures that have taken residence there. I love ornate stuff like this and it's so organic and just amazing. 

I dont think we have much on tap as far as plans go for this weekend. I'm hoping that we can catch up on some sleep and enjoy some time together. We are finally getting rid of the sickness and everyone is on the mend so we should be able to get out and actually enjoy some time away from the house. 

Life on a piece of paper

I feel like this right here validates the hard work that I put into what I do. It may not always seem like what I do matters, but I love working in higher education! 

Have to versus get to....

I'm at a professional development today for work, and I admit I wasn't too keen on the idea because it was advertised as "emotionally" evoking and setting a positive atmosphere for the workplace. Joy. However, to my surprise, the morning sessions have been extremely powerful. I think the speaker that really got to me was Mrs. Denise Taylor.

I always try to find some way to relate to any speaker. It's just how I'm programmed. What I didn't know was what she had to say was so meaningful and meant a lot to me!

Words to live by.....

While my story and her story don't sync up in terms of cancer, she has made me really stop and reflect about this journey that I'm going through. She calls it "Life's Surprise Party" and seriously that is pretty spot on. Every day that I wake up life gives me new surprises. Whether they are little hiccups or they are joyous, momentous occasions I am loving this journey.

I think her words, "Instead of saying I have to, say I GET TO" really stopped me in my tracks. I often complain about "having to do something," but I never really stop to think about what I'm saying. I have to do laundry for four people, I have to cook dinner, I have clean, etc." Those words sounds like I'm ungrateful and not appreciative of what I have been given. I have the opportunity to be a mom, and I GET to show them what life is without drug use, I GET to be there for both girls when they have a heartache, I GET to be the punching dummy and I GET to be yelled at. And I'll take those moments and I will enjoy this party called life.

It's not easy being part of this party, but I'm going to have fun with it. I'm going to take those little hiccups and celebrate them. I am going to throw confetti for the moments that require some extra attention.

So if you read this blog today, take this with you.....you have a choice of what you do. You GET to do something.

It's a bloody hell.

Ok moms. More specifically moms with pre-teen/teenage daughters!!!!

I need you. I need you like a sprinkle needs a chocolate covered doughnut. It's that bad. I'm not exaggerating.

My sweet sweet quiet little 11 year old I believe is getting ready to have the change. You know what I'm talking about. Crossing that rainbow bridge over into becoming a little lady.

Oh the past few days have been raging and emotional. Life is unfair, I'm unfair, dad is unfair. And the yelling then the tears and yelling while in tears. Plus the constant belly aches and headaches. I'm afraid I'm going to go bald with frustration!

So mom's out there I need advice for the following:
1. How do you talk to your (step)daughter about the changes?

2. How do you survive this without you, yourself, losing your mind?