I didn't get the job that I had a phone interview for.
I'm not down about it.I went into the interview knowing that I had a lot of competition.The response that I got was actually very pleasant as well.
I was more upset over not getting an interview for a position within my office and not being told anything. This time around they not only gave me the opportunity to interview, but they also notified of not getting the job.
I've applied for some other positions and I hope to hear something from those within the next couple of weeks. Just have to keep on, keeping on.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Growth spurts.....
I've had an inkling that Tracey was getting ready to hit a growth spurt. She is already tall and super skinny. This morning it seems as though she grew three inches overnight. We bought her pants for school back in november and this morning when she put them on she had flood pants. Not just a little, but her pants didn't even touch her shoes. I had to laugh a bit because well as a mom I find it funny that all of her pants are now starting to look like this. So tonight we will be on the hunt for some longer pants.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Feeling deflated and defeated
I love my kids. I do.
I love being a (step)mom.
What I don't love is the fact that my daughters cannot pick up the phone and call their mom when they want to talk to her. I have an amazing relationship with my mom. We talk a couple times a week and we text almost daily. But my girls don't have that relationship with their mom.
While I try to step up and feel that void from a mom not being there, I'm sometimes the root of the backlash from it as well.
A relationship between a mother and daughter isn't the same relationship that a stepmother has with her stepdaughter. There just isn't. There's that unique bond between a mother and daughter that words can't begin to describe. While I know that I will never have that unique bond, I am trying my hardest to have some kind of maternal bond with my daughters.
However, it kills me on the inside whenever they get so excited about something that reminds them of their mom, (a piece of clothing that they have held on to, a phone number so that they can call, or a text message that they ran across in their phone) only to be harshly reminded that they don't have a way to get in touch with their mom.
This past weekend while Meagan was cleaning her room she came across a book of emergency phone numbers that I had made the girls for when they go to other people's homes and they need to call us. Their mom wrote down her number (at that time) and Meagan got really excited because she could finally be able to talk to her mom. This excitement quickly fizzled when we realized that the number that she had given them was not a current number and had been disconnected for quite some time. Even the newest number that we have isn't a number to get in touch with her.
The heartbreak that I see in my child's eyes when she can't have those few minutes of bonding with her child eats me up.
When we ask Tracey how she feels about it, she just says that she's so used to it that it doesn't phase her anymore. That this is something that she expects. What child should think like that?
When we hit rough patches like these I find myself over-exerting myself to give the girls an extra boost. I'm not trying to buy their love, but I guess it's more of keeping them occupied so they won't be filled with so much sadness. It's my way of building that bond that will hopefully give them the memories to fill those that aren't happy.
I constantly worry that I'm not a good mom. Everyday I have to remind myself that I am. It's a tough road coming into someone's life and step up to be a parental figure. It's not an easy job. But it's a job that I wouldn't trade anything for. Some people are meant to have kids from conception. I'm not that person. I'm meant to be a mom to two girls, whether it's through birth or through marriage, I will always be their mom.
It's been rough butting heads with my youngest because of this. Conversations become tense and emotions are on 10. When we get to this point I panic and I freak out. I question myself and if I'm really meant to be a parent. There are days where I just have to scream and let it out and then there are days where I just have to be brought back down to reality.
I love my kids.
I love being a mom. It gives me a sense of pride and something that I can brag about. What's even better is I can brag about something that not everyone can relate to. It makes my story unique.
Every day isn't going to be roses and it isn't going to be hugs and kisses and I love yous all the time. There will be the days where there are the I hate you, the screaming, and the tears. But that's all a part of being a parent.
I love being a (step)mom.
What I don't love is the fact that my daughters cannot pick up the phone and call their mom when they want to talk to her. I have an amazing relationship with my mom. We talk a couple times a week and we text almost daily. But my girls don't have that relationship with their mom.
While I try to step up and feel that void from a mom not being there, I'm sometimes the root of the backlash from it as well.
A relationship between a mother and daughter isn't the same relationship that a stepmother has with her stepdaughter. There just isn't. There's that unique bond between a mother and daughter that words can't begin to describe. While I know that I will never have that unique bond, I am trying my hardest to have some kind of maternal bond with my daughters.
However, it kills me on the inside whenever they get so excited about something that reminds them of their mom, (a piece of clothing that they have held on to, a phone number so that they can call, or a text message that they ran across in their phone) only to be harshly reminded that they don't have a way to get in touch with their mom.
This past weekend while Meagan was cleaning her room she came across a book of emergency phone numbers that I had made the girls for when they go to other people's homes and they need to call us. Their mom wrote down her number (at that time) and Meagan got really excited because she could finally be able to talk to her mom. This excitement quickly fizzled when we realized that the number that she had given them was not a current number and had been disconnected for quite some time. Even the newest number that we have isn't a number to get in touch with her.
The heartbreak that I see in my child's eyes when she can't have those few minutes of bonding with her child eats me up.
When we ask Tracey how she feels about it, she just says that she's so used to it that it doesn't phase her anymore. That this is something that she expects. What child should think like that?
When we hit rough patches like these I find myself over-exerting myself to give the girls an extra boost. I'm not trying to buy their love, but I guess it's more of keeping them occupied so they won't be filled with so much sadness. It's my way of building that bond that will hopefully give them the memories to fill those that aren't happy.
I constantly worry that I'm not a good mom. Everyday I have to remind myself that I am. It's a tough road coming into someone's life and step up to be a parental figure. It's not an easy job. But it's a job that I wouldn't trade anything for. Some people are meant to have kids from conception. I'm not that person. I'm meant to be a mom to two girls, whether it's through birth or through marriage, I will always be their mom.
It's been rough butting heads with my youngest because of this. Conversations become tense and emotions are on 10. When we get to this point I panic and I freak out. I question myself and if I'm really meant to be a parent. There are days where I just have to scream and let it out and then there are days where I just have to be brought back down to reality.
I love my kids.
I love being a mom. It gives me a sense of pride and something that I can brag about. What's even better is I can brag about something that not everyone can relate to. It makes my story unique.
Every day isn't going to be roses and it isn't going to be hugs and kisses and I love yous all the time. There will be the days where there are the I hate you, the screaming, and the tears. But that's all a part of being a parent.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
It's the little things.
Work has been rough lately. It's been bringing me down, but today was different.
My kids are out of school again. THANK YOU MOTHER FREAKIN' NATURE! I unfortunately couldn't take off and wasn't off all day, so I left my kids at the house. We have a family friend, who is more like a relative, who works with the secondary schools and the girls just love him to bits. As I was leaving this morning to make the trek across the ice covered roads, the kids were calling Don to see what his plans were for the day. When the three of them are all out of school they tend to go on "adventures." Some how Don can make running errands the best darn time of your life. He's just cool like that. They've been to the Patton Museum and have ran all over Louisville. They get lunch and and of course spoils them like grandkids. They talk for days about how much fun they have.
Today was like all their other adventures, except....today they made a special visit. They won't realize how this visit put a smile on my face when I really needed one, but I haven't stopped since.
I'm sitting here working and I hear a squeaky, "hey." I look up and there are these two heads giggling while looking into my office. Man I needed to see those faces. They had been out and running around at Chuck E Cheese's and made a pit stop at my office. Before they left they each gave me a hug and a kiss and an I love you.
They didn't stay long, but that didn't matter. It was the fact that they stopped during their adventure and saw me.
My kids are out of school again. THANK YOU MOTHER FREAKIN' NATURE! I unfortunately couldn't take off and wasn't off all day, so I left my kids at the house. We have a family friend, who is more like a relative, who works with the secondary schools and the girls just love him to bits. As I was leaving this morning to make the trek across the ice covered roads, the kids were calling Don to see what his plans were for the day. When the three of them are all out of school they tend to go on "adventures." Some how Don can make running errands the best darn time of your life. He's just cool like that. They've been to the Patton Museum and have ran all over Louisville. They get lunch and and of course spoils them like grandkids. They talk for days about how much fun they have.
Today was like all their other adventures, except....today they made a special visit. They won't realize how this visit put a smile on my face when I really needed one, but I haven't stopped since.
I'm sitting here working and I hear a squeaky, "hey." I look up and there are these two heads giggling while looking into my office. Man I needed to see those faces. They had been out and running around at Chuck E Cheese's and made a pit stop at my office. Before they left they each gave me a hug and a kiss and an I love you.
They didn't stay long, but that didn't matter. It was the fact that they stopped during their adventure and saw me.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping
The interview went well....I guess. It was about 4-5 questions and it lasted about 15 minutes. I don't remember much about what I said. It feels like a blur to be frank.
I was incredibly nervous. I actually apologized for saying "um" which I had to laugh at myself for doing.
I'm supposed to hear something over the course of this week as to whether or not I am going to be offered a face to face interview. I was pretty excited about just having the opportunity to have a phone interview, I'll be over the moon if I am one of the top two or three picks for a face-to-face.
I would be a HUGE confidence booster for me, and that is something that I could use right now. I'm feeling pretty beat down and out with things right now. So, all I can do is wait (im)patiently by my phone and hope that the impending weather doesn't postpone this call for too long.
What's done is done and I hope that the first impression of me, although over the phone, was a lasting one. I hope that my nerves didn't get the best of me.
I was incredibly nervous. I actually apologized for saying "um" which I had to laugh at myself for doing.
I'm supposed to hear something over the course of this week as to whether or not I am going to be offered a face to face interview. I was pretty excited about just having the opportunity to have a phone interview, I'll be over the moon if I am one of the top two or three picks for a face-to-face.
I would be a HUGE confidence booster for me, and that is something that I could use right now. I'm feeling pretty beat down and out with things right now. So, all I can do is wait (im)patiently by my phone and hope that the impending weather doesn't postpone this call for too long.
What's done is done and I hope that the first impression of me, although over the phone, was a lasting one. I hope that my nerves didn't get the best of me.
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