Smells of the season

Windows and doors are wide open, breeze is blowing, and I have candles burning. The warmth of vanilla, crisp apple, and cider is filling the air. 

It makes me want to stay curled up with a movie all day and forget the weeks events. There is something about fall that just feels comfortable. 

High Five for Friday!

I had my first cup of HOT coffee for the fall season this morning. Oh it was so good. Warm and rich and blissful. Just all around delicious. I can't wait for payday again. I'm going to splurge and get a pumpkin spice latte, but more importantly fall flavors of creamers are starting to roll out! Pumpkin coffee all the time! Woo hoo!

It's been a super nice week, weather wise, cool morning temps and warm afternoons. As much as I love summer time, fall is my all time favorite season. It's just all about comfort to me. Pumpkin spice lattes (which I have yet to get one), apples, warm colors, and snuggles. It just makes me feel calm inside. 

I found a show on netflix that I have started to watch, "Life Unexpected." It's a couple of years old, but I am really enjoying it. I tilt my kindle up and I watch some of it while I get ready in the morning. It's witty, has a realistic background, and it's not the normal storyline.

With the beginning of fall also means it's the beginning of Halloween season. Bring on the spooky decorations!!! I think a couple of co-workers are planning a group outing after work to go to a haunted house. I'm probably one of the biggest babies you will ever meet with haunted houses. The last time I went into one I came out feeling like I had things crawling in my hair.

I went to the doctor yesterday for a med check and to get new scripts on my medications. I wish all appointments went as fast as that one did. I was only in there for MAYBE 5 minutes. The doctor was pleased with how I'm doing with my medications and likes the fact that I haven't had a serious anxiety attack since April. With that he told me I don't have to go back to see him for three months. I'm excited because I can feel a difference. I'm happy again. I do have my down moments, but that's all they are, moments. They aren't weeks or months where I wished my life away. I love living now.

Millions of questions, questions for me

I'm pretty open about my anxiety and my depression, why hide the truth when everyone already knows? Last night at dinner we were sitting around and I was taking about how I would be going to work late because I had a doctor's appointment. 

Well this spurred a series of 20 questions from the kids. They are the only ones who I haven't really opened up to about this. 

I explained to them that I have to take a pill everyday so that I'm not so sad and to help me not be nervous all the time. They of course asked why I felt this way.( I ask myself this all the time. )

They kind of have a better understanding why I have to take a pill every day to be happy. I wish if didn't have to do this, but sometimes a little help IS needed. 

I'm thankful that I was able to open up to them and make it to where they could understand what depression is. I would hate to go back to the dark place I was once at. 

Healthy start to my day

I recently started and joined the Greek yogurt fad. It's super tasty and I prefer it over regular yogurt. I like to pair it with cereal or granola for some added stuff. With my busy schedule I am usually starving by the time 11 gets around so this helps by being a healthy option and keeps me feeling less hungry till at least 12-1330. It's also portable. So I'm able to throw it all into my lunch box and run out the door after the kids are on the bus. Love having convenient options. 

Breathe in breathe out

After yesterday I was afraid of how today was going to start out. The weather was perfect. Not going to say the start of the day was perfect because there were a few minor bumps in the routine, but so far not bad. 

I realize I'm going to have bad days. I did before I became a mom. I just can't let those bad days consume me like I used to. I have a family who needs me to be me. I know everybody has a bad day every now and then, no body's perfect. 

All the wrongs from yesterday will work themselves out. I didn't spill week old Mt. Dew on me this morning as I was getting in my car for starters. That's a win. 

I still have an overwhelming sense of anxiousness today, but I think my that's part of my "disease" taking hold. I just have to stay positive. 

I didn't get to tell the interweb readers that I got two hours of "me" time on Saturday. Two hours of uninterrupted time for me to sit back and enjoy for myself. Two hours where I didn't have to be a referee, magician, disciplinarian. Two hours for me to get out and do something just for me. I know this sounds extremely selfish. And it probably is. But the truth is, I haven't had any time alone, except on my commute to and from work by myself since the kids have gotten here. While many parents are reading that statement and thinking, you have NO idea what you're talking about, I do...... kind of. 

Sometimes someone just needs to take the time to step back and breathe and that's what those two hours were for me. Being a parent is hard. Being a stepparent is hard too. 

There are days where it feels like the kids would be better off if I just disappeared. But then there are those moments where they wrap their arms around my neck and saying thank you or I love you. At that moment everything just seems to stop just for a few seconds. 

monday blues

ever have one of those monday's where it seems like if one thing goes wrong, the whole day just is going to (s'cuse my language) blow?

that's how today has been. it's been one of those days where i wish i didn't get out of bed this morning. one of those days where i wish i could have stayed curled up with the blankets and tucked in tight all day.

i'm hoping that after i get through teaching that it will be a better day, and that seeing dustin and the kids will give me an enjoyable evening. because right now this superhero is having a bad, horrible, absolutely awful, no good day.

Love

It's rare but I got him to smile. I don't know what it is but he has my heart. I probably don't tell him enough how much I lurve him but he gets me through some pretty tough times. 

These two are my kids. They are extremely talented and find a way to make me smile each and every day. They push every last button and make me want to cry but I wouldn't change having them living here. I am beyond proud of whAt they have accomplished in the past month.