I feel the need to get this out, like dirty laundry, but not quite so dirty. More like I need a place to share my frustrations, my ups, downs, mommy meltdowns, and my moments where I laugh until I cry over my learning process of this transition. The past year and a few months here and there have been......interesting? one hell of a learning curve? joy ride? ultimate sacrifice? all of the above?
I am a pseudo stepmom. Pseudo for the simple fact that I am not married, but I still consider myself a stepmom to two amazingly smart, beautiful, vibrant, energetic, witty girls. They are wonderful, and if you are ever priviliged to meet these girls, you will agree with me. I would do anything for Dustin (my main squeeze) and his squirrels.
I've gone through phases over the past year. And I find that each and every day that I have more contact with my family I learn something new, a new worry comes up...so here is my yellow brick road. Buckle up, please keep all hands and feet inside the ride at all times, and join me as I take you inside a look at my wonderful, so called crazy life.
Ok...so here we are summer break. My "first" real test at mommy hood. I'm used to having the kids for a week to two weeks at a time and here we are getting the kids for a whole summer. HOLY SHIT! First thought that comes to mind $$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$$. Extra food, babysitter, surprise trips to get fro yo, extra gas for zoo trips, zoo pass...you get my drift. Most moms are like psh you've got this because you are not in this alone.....but for me when you are on a tight budget as it is, you are pre planning meals, trips to the grocery, budgeting for the babysitter....and yes I do have Dustin. He helps out a lot!!!! God bless over time.
Having the kids for the summer also means that you are going to have things happen that you are normally not used too.....welcome vomit. Not just let's hurry up and get to the bathroom so you can hover over the toilet and pray to god that it makes it into the toilet. No I'm referring to the vomit that sneaks up and just projects from the childs mouth while you are at a cookout. This was by far the most awkward thing that I have come across so far....I can't rinse the vomit off the sidewalk...as we didn't have water but we did have melted ice.....smart me dump the tiny melted ice water onto the "area" and hope some of it washes away or pray like hell that it rains in the next 24 hours.
We have had tons o fun with the tiny bumps...I'm channeling my inner 6 year old and do round offs, cartwheels, hopscotch, cannonballs :)
But what do you do when you become the disciplinarian? The most difficult thing about being a pseudo stepmom. If you do the crime, you pay the time. How do you go about that without overstepping your boundaries since you are really just dad's girlfriend. There is a very fine line. Finer than a strand of hair. It takes a lot of patience and counting from ten backwards, forwards, and backwards again. I then become the bad guy.....although an hour later I will get, "I love you Delana." At the moment I have to set one or both of the kids in timeout I become the evil witch and I feel horrible absolutely horrible. I always get a pit in my stomach and I can hear the whispers or feel the glares. WORST FEELING EVER!
I also get compared to mom. My mom does this or my mom does that....that's fine and dandy, but lets face reality here folks. Your mom is there and you are here with dad and me. I realize I still have A LOT to learn....but it eats away at me hearing certain things. That's a whole other can o worms to delve into. This is just the beginning...there will be more.
Stay tuned interwebs.
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