I didn't get the job that I had a phone interview for.
I'm not down about it.I went into the interview knowing that I had a lot of competition.The response that I got was actually very pleasant as well.
I was more upset over not getting an interview for a position within my office and not being told anything. This time around they not only gave me the opportunity to interview, but they also notified of not getting the job.
I've applied for some other positions and I hope to hear something from those within the next couple of weeks. Just have to keep on, keeping on.
Thursday, February 13, 2014
Growth spurts.....
I've had an inkling that Tracey was getting ready to hit a growth spurt. She is already tall and super skinny. This morning it seems as though she grew three inches overnight. We bought her pants for school back in november and this morning when she put them on she had flood pants. Not just a little, but her pants didn't even touch her shoes. I had to laugh a bit because well as a mom I find it funny that all of her pants are now starting to look like this. So tonight we will be on the hunt for some longer pants.
Monday, February 10, 2014
Feeling deflated and defeated
I love my kids. I do.
I love being a (step)mom.
What I don't love is the fact that my daughters cannot pick up the phone and call their mom when they want to talk to her. I have an amazing relationship with my mom. We talk a couple times a week and we text almost daily. But my girls don't have that relationship with their mom.
While I try to step up and feel that void from a mom not being there, I'm sometimes the root of the backlash from it as well.
A relationship between a mother and daughter isn't the same relationship that a stepmother has with her stepdaughter. There just isn't. There's that unique bond between a mother and daughter that words can't begin to describe. While I know that I will never have that unique bond, I am trying my hardest to have some kind of maternal bond with my daughters.
However, it kills me on the inside whenever they get so excited about something that reminds them of their mom, (a piece of clothing that they have held on to, a phone number so that they can call, or a text message that they ran across in their phone) only to be harshly reminded that they don't have a way to get in touch with their mom.
This past weekend while Meagan was cleaning her room she came across a book of emergency phone numbers that I had made the girls for when they go to other people's homes and they need to call us. Their mom wrote down her number (at that time) and Meagan got really excited because she could finally be able to talk to her mom. This excitement quickly fizzled when we realized that the number that she had given them was not a current number and had been disconnected for quite some time. Even the newest number that we have isn't a number to get in touch with her.
The heartbreak that I see in my child's eyes when she can't have those few minutes of bonding with her child eats me up.
When we ask Tracey how she feels about it, she just says that she's so used to it that it doesn't phase her anymore. That this is something that she expects. What child should think like that?
When we hit rough patches like these I find myself over-exerting myself to give the girls an extra boost. I'm not trying to buy their love, but I guess it's more of keeping them occupied so they won't be filled with so much sadness. It's my way of building that bond that will hopefully give them the memories to fill those that aren't happy.
I constantly worry that I'm not a good mom. Everyday I have to remind myself that I am. It's a tough road coming into someone's life and step up to be a parental figure. It's not an easy job. But it's a job that I wouldn't trade anything for. Some people are meant to have kids from conception. I'm not that person. I'm meant to be a mom to two girls, whether it's through birth or through marriage, I will always be their mom.
It's been rough butting heads with my youngest because of this. Conversations become tense and emotions are on 10. When we get to this point I panic and I freak out. I question myself and if I'm really meant to be a parent. There are days where I just have to scream and let it out and then there are days where I just have to be brought back down to reality.
I love my kids.
I love being a mom. It gives me a sense of pride and something that I can brag about. What's even better is I can brag about something that not everyone can relate to. It makes my story unique.
Every day isn't going to be roses and it isn't going to be hugs and kisses and I love yous all the time. There will be the days where there are the I hate you, the screaming, and the tears. But that's all a part of being a parent.
I love being a (step)mom.
What I don't love is the fact that my daughters cannot pick up the phone and call their mom when they want to talk to her. I have an amazing relationship with my mom. We talk a couple times a week and we text almost daily. But my girls don't have that relationship with their mom.
While I try to step up and feel that void from a mom not being there, I'm sometimes the root of the backlash from it as well.
A relationship between a mother and daughter isn't the same relationship that a stepmother has with her stepdaughter. There just isn't. There's that unique bond between a mother and daughter that words can't begin to describe. While I know that I will never have that unique bond, I am trying my hardest to have some kind of maternal bond with my daughters.
However, it kills me on the inside whenever they get so excited about something that reminds them of their mom, (a piece of clothing that they have held on to, a phone number so that they can call, or a text message that they ran across in their phone) only to be harshly reminded that they don't have a way to get in touch with their mom.
This past weekend while Meagan was cleaning her room she came across a book of emergency phone numbers that I had made the girls for when they go to other people's homes and they need to call us. Their mom wrote down her number (at that time) and Meagan got really excited because she could finally be able to talk to her mom. This excitement quickly fizzled when we realized that the number that she had given them was not a current number and had been disconnected for quite some time. Even the newest number that we have isn't a number to get in touch with her.
The heartbreak that I see in my child's eyes when she can't have those few minutes of bonding with her child eats me up.
When we ask Tracey how she feels about it, she just says that she's so used to it that it doesn't phase her anymore. That this is something that she expects. What child should think like that?
When we hit rough patches like these I find myself over-exerting myself to give the girls an extra boost. I'm not trying to buy their love, but I guess it's more of keeping them occupied so they won't be filled with so much sadness. It's my way of building that bond that will hopefully give them the memories to fill those that aren't happy.
I constantly worry that I'm not a good mom. Everyday I have to remind myself that I am. It's a tough road coming into someone's life and step up to be a parental figure. It's not an easy job. But it's a job that I wouldn't trade anything for. Some people are meant to have kids from conception. I'm not that person. I'm meant to be a mom to two girls, whether it's through birth or through marriage, I will always be their mom.
It's been rough butting heads with my youngest because of this. Conversations become tense and emotions are on 10. When we get to this point I panic and I freak out. I question myself and if I'm really meant to be a parent. There are days where I just have to scream and let it out and then there are days where I just have to be brought back down to reality.
I love my kids.
I love being a mom. It gives me a sense of pride and something that I can brag about. What's even better is I can brag about something that not everyone can relate to. It makes my story unique.
Every day isn't going to be roses and it isn't going to be hugs and kisses and I love yous all the time. There will be the days where there are the I hate you, the screaming, and the tears. But that's all a part of being a parent.
Wednesday, February 5, 2014
It's the little things.
Work has been rough lately. It's been bringing me down, but today was different.
My kids are out of school again. THANK YOU MOTHER FREAKIN' NATURE! I unfortunately couldn't take off and wasn't off all day, so I left my kids at the house. We have a family friend, who is more like a relative, who works with the secondary schools and the girls just love him to bits. As I was leaving this morning to make the trek across the ice covered roads, the kids were calling Don to see what his plans were for the day. When the three of them are all out of school they tend to go on "adventures." Some how Don can make running errands the best darn time of your life. He's just cool like that. They've been to the Patton Museum and have ran all over Louisville. They get lunch and and of course spoils them like grandkids. They talk for days about how much fun they have.
Today was like all their other adventures, except....today they made a special visit. They won't realize how this visit put a smile on my face when I really needed one, but I haven't stopped since.
I'm sitting here working and I hear a squeaky, "hey." I look up and there are these two heads giggling while looking into my office. Man I needed to see those faces. They had been out and running around at Chuck E Cheese's and made a pit stop at my office. Before they left they each gave me a hug and a kiss and an I love you.
They didn't stay long, but that didn't matter. It was the fact that they stopped during their adventure and saw me.
My kids are out of school again. THANK YOU MOTHER FREAKIN' NATURE! I unfortunately couldn't take off and wasn't off all day, so I left my kids at the house. We have a family friend, who is more like a relative, who works with the secondary schools and the girls just love him to bits. As I was leaving this morning to make the trek across the ice covered roads, the kids were calling Don to see what his plans were for the day. When the three of them are all out of school they tend to go on "adventures." Some how Don can make running errands the best darn time of your life. He's just cool like that. They've been to the Patton Museum and have ran all over Louisville. They get lunch and and of course spoils them like grandkids. They talk for days about how much fun they have.
Today was like all their other adventures, except....today they made a special visit. They won't realize how this visit put a smile on my face when I really needed one, but I haven't stopped since.
I'm sitting here working and I hear a squeaky, "hey." I look up and there are these two heads giggling while looking into my office. Man I needed to see those faces. They had been out and running around at Chuck E Cheese's and made a pit stop at my office. Before they left they each gave me a hug and a kiss and an I love you.
They didn't stay long, but that didn't matter. It was the fact that they stopped during their adventure and saw me.
Tuesday, February 4, 2014
Sitting, waiting, wishing, hoping
The interview went well....I guess. It was about 4-5 questions and it lasted about 15 minutes. I don't remember much about what I said. It feels like a blur to be frank.
I was incredibly nervous. I actually apologized for saying "um" which I had to laugh at myself for doing.
I'm supposed to hear something over the course of this week as to whether or not I am going to be offered a face to face interview. I was pretty excited about just having the opportunity to have a phone interview, I'll be over the moon if I am one of the top two or three picks for a face-to-face.
I would be a HUGE confidence booster for me, and that is something that I could use right now. I'm feeling pretty beat down and out with things right now. So, all I can do is wait (im)patiently by my phone and hope that the impending weather doesn't postpone this call for too long.
What's done is done and I hope that the first impression of me, although over the phone, was a lasting one. I hope that my nerves didn't get the best of me.
I was incredibly nervous. I actually apologized for saying "um" which I had to laugh at myself for doing.
I'm supposed to hear something over the course of this week as to whether or not I am going to be offered a face to face interview. I was pretty excited about just having the opportunity to have a phone interview, I'll be over the moon if I am one of the top two or three picks for a face-to-face.
I would be a HUGE confidence booster for me, and that is something that I could use right now. I'm feeling pretty beat down and out with things right now. So, all I can do is wait (im)patiently by my phone and hope that the impending weather doesn't postpone this call for too long.
What's done is done and I hope that the first impression of me, although over the phone, was a lasting one. I hope that my nerves didn't get the best of me.
Wednesday, January 29, 2014
Phone interview
I need help.
I have a phone interview on Friday. This is the first phone interview that I have ever had. Not only that, but it's the first interview that I have had in over 6 years. I'm undoubtedly nervous.
If you have ever given an interview over the phone or recently had an interview what are some questions that you thought stuck out the most?
I would like to try and prepare myself for this, so I don't ramble and make myself look like a fool.
I have a phone interview on Friday. This is the first phone interview that I have ever had. Not only that, but it's the first interview that I have had in over 6 years. I'm undoubtedly nervous.
If you have ever given an interview over the phone or recently had an interview what are some questions that you thought stuck out the most?
I would like to try and prepare myself for this, so I don't ramble and make myself look like a fool.
Monday, January 27, 2014
Holy crap where did January go?
Since we have been in the house for almost a month now it's hard to believe that we are already at the end of January. Seriously like where did this month go? Maybe along with my paycheck to warmer climates. Le sigh.
I guess I'm going to take a few minutes out of today and reflect how the first month of 2014 started off. It wasn't bad, just cold.
New insurance kicked in on January 1. Not a fan of this new plan. My co-pay for therapy is now $89. I gag a little every time that I see that. I've been told it will get better, but wow that number hurts.
Shortly after we moved in we were hit with the first round of a polar vortex. I'm sure everyone is tired of me endlessly complaining about how cold it is. I with it were acceptable to be wrapped up like this while I'm at work.
The first week or two have been scrubbing and cleaning and cleaning and scrubbing and hell you get the point. It seems like no matter how much we clean right now, there is always going to be SOMETHING else that we come across that needs to be fixed. Like yesterday our valve intakes on the washer has a leak, add that to the to-do list of the already growing list of things that we have to do.
We adopted our first dog as a family. Duke was an interesting character. He was a pretty dog, and as I have said before he was super smart. Shed hair like crazy. We are still cleaning hair up from the week that he spent at our house. I know that there will be a forever home in his near future. A home where he can run and won't get in trouble for laying his head on the kitchen table while we eat dinner.
Last weekend we started the painting process for the house. We started on the kids room. As you can see they had the green room which had a duck border on the top. Not really all that girly. Dustin and I spent the weekend taking border down, patching holes, sanding, painting, all in one weekend. Shoooo my shoulders were screaming. But the end result was a win in the kids book. They absolutely love their room and the vinyl stickers that I got. I just need to find the perfect curtains for their room and they will have one heck of a girls space.
This past weekend after we week of having the house really quiet, I convinced Dustin to go to the Kentucky Humane Society with me. Work has been super crappy on days, I thought that some puppy kisses would be the trick to brighten my spirits. The day after we took Duke back there was a rescue of 43 dogs from a puppy mill a couple of hours away. That also meant that the space in the KHS was becoming limited so it was important that the current residents find homes.
Yesterday there was a nice break from the cold weather and it actually got up to 53. HEAT WAVE!!!! The kids went out to my parents so they could get some sled time in. You know they have hills out in the country and all. So Dustin and I packed up our third child and heading over the river and through the woods, too mimi's house. It was a lovely afternoon with my family.
So here we are. January 27, 2014. It's back to being bitter cold. This month has gone by so quickly I dont know what to expect with February. I guess I'll head out and get some more stuff and things done since it's a slow day here at work.
I guess I'm going to take a few minutes out of today and reflect how the first month of 2014 started off. It wasn't bad, just cold.
New insurance kicked in on January 1. Not a fan of this new plan. My co-pay for therapy is now $89. I gag a little every time that I see that. I've been told it will get better, but wow that number hurts.
Shortly after we moved in we were hit with the first round of a polar vortex. I'm sure everyone is tired of me endlessly complaining about how cold it is. I with it were acceptable to be wrapped up like this while I'm at work.
 |
| Bathroom floor before |
 |
| Bathroom floor after |
The kids have told me that I'm an embarrassment sometimes in the morning when we wait for the bus. I don't see why. I only jam and car dance when a really really really awesome song comes on and well that just happens to be right around the time that their bus pulls up. I think my new name should be STOP! Because that's what I hear as they jump out and sprint to the bus.
Mums and I had mum/daughter date night and watched Sister Act. Holy moley that show was absolutely HILARIOUS! I have never laughed so hard in my life. My stomach hurt from laughing through the entire show. If you haven't seen it and it's in a town near you, it's a definite MUST. Take my word on it.
Last weekend we started the painting process for the house. We started on the kids room. As you can see they had the green room which had a duck border on the top. Not really all that girly. Dustin and I spent the weekend taking border down, patching holes, sanding, painting, all in one weekend. Shoooo my shoulders were screaming. But the end result was a win in the kids book. They absolutely love their room and the vinyl stickers that I got. I just need to find the perfect curtains for their room and they will have one heck of a girls space.
The second round of the polar vortex must have shrunken my brain capacity. Last week I went out and purchased my first pair of skinny jeans. I'm late getting on the train I know, but let me tell you.....sometimes big girls dont need to be flaunting their curves in skinny jeans. These actually fit me fairly well and I didn't feel like I was a stuffed sausage, so I guess it's a win in my book.
This past weekend after we week of having the house really quiet, I convinced Dustin to go to the Kentucky Humane Society with me. Work has been super crappy on days, I thought that some puppy kisses would be the trick to brighten my spirits. The day after we took Duke back there was a rescue of 43 dogs from a puppy mill a couple of hours away. That also meant that the space in the KHS was becoming limited so it was important that the current residents find homes.
On Jan. 24th we went, JUST TO LOOK, and she stole our hearts. There was a toss up between her and another sweet girl Alex. However, Maddie's calm disposition and sweet personality was just what we wanted. She seems to be settling in her new home just fine and I am looking forward to building our bond with all of the family.
Yesterday there was a nice break from the cold weather and it actually got up to 53. HEAT WAVE!!!! The kids went out to my parents so they could get some sled time in. You know they have hills out in the country and all. So Dustin and I packed up our third child and heading over the river and through the woods, too mimi's house. It was a lovely afternoon with my family.
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