My decision

Since I was 12 I have always told people that I didn't want to have kids of my own.  I did not find pushing a thing out of my vagina appealing. It's not that I didn't want to be a mom I just wasn't fascinated by the "miracle" of giving birth to a human. The whole thing freaked me out and to this day makes my stomach turn.

I have enough issues stuff going on with the lady bits that as long as I have been having aunt flo, I've exclaimed to the high heavens how much I wanted to get rid of the "stuff" and by "stuff" I mean the innards.....also known as the uterus. 

Being that I am a healthy woman with a perfectly good uterus....I'm not able to donate those bits and pieces to a lady who would be able to use it. I have several friends who I would give it to in a heartbeat so that they would be able to have a child of their own without alternative means. I sometimes feel selfish because they have been going through so much just to have a child they can call their own. I feel like an asshole when I talk about "my" kids and all these women out there are wanting is to be able to have their own chance at motherhood. 

I feel like a jerk for posting pictures of my family when there are many women out there who have yet to experience that emotion of being a mom. Over the past couple of years more and more of my friends are falling to the horrible emotions of miscarrying or infertility.

Trust me friends if it were possible I would give you my holding cell for a baby so that you could use it more so than I have a need for. Seriously it is just hanging out with spiderwebs. Whenever I see someone post another post that they lost a baby I feel like the biggest piece of dirt after I post something that my kids have done.

I never wanted to be a mom because I never thought I would be strong enough to ever love another human being. Over the past three years, going through the struggles that I have trying to get custody of the kids has shown me what loving a child unconditionally is like.