My first donation

I have officially faced a fear that I have been dreading for YEARS. I donated blood for the first time ever. Honestly I have no idea what I was so afraid of. Maybe it was just the idea of having something sucking blood out of my arm.

I made an appointment during our most recent blood drive. I was more nervous walking in to the building than I was waiting. But I couldn't back out. I signed in, drank a bottle of water and tried to calm my nerves. I was still nervous because my blood pressure was a wee high, not high to be concerning but it definitely reflected the nerves.

I had to have proof that I went through with it. 

I went through the rest of the mini physical with flying colors. They got a bed for me and started prepping my arm. They almost couldn't find a vein in either arm. They had to do every thing possible for a little guy to pop up, but one finally did. As I'm laying on the table I wanted to check things out, you know cause that's what I do. I'm inquisitive. I have to know what's going on to get a better understanding. If I was allowed to I probably would have asked to have a hands on demonstration. The nurse was laughing at me because I was taking pictures of my arm while laying on the bed.

After I was done, they had me sit up on the side of the bed and asked how I felt. Believe it or not I felt fabulous. Better than I did before I went in. I didn't want the pizza that they were offering,
but I did get cookies and apple juice (so yum).

Still waiting on my superpowers

I don't feel this amazing overwhelming awesomeness that people say they feel after donating for the first time. I feel normal. I still have a small mark from the needle, but overall I had a fantastic experience and I will probably be a repeat donor.

Time ticks slowly

SO!

Their mom came through.....which shocked the world. Did you feel that small earthquake. That was my jaw dropping to the ground when we saw the car at Kroger.

Dustin and I went home afterwards and I really have no idea what we did before we had custody of them. The house is eerily way to quiet and it just feels really off not having our "routine." I hope that they have a good time and enjoy spending some qt with their mom.

In the meantime, what are two parents supposed to do without the kids until Sunday?!?

A new bar has been set

We drove all to the meeting lot so that we could drop the kids off with their mom.

We were a few minutes late because we had to stop so we could get their bellies full before they left. Not sure as to whether or not they were going to get a full meal until next weekend, and we leave them knowing that they are full.

We sit, and watch the time pass. 430, 445,450, 455....nothing. No show. No call. A very pissed off stepmomma and one INSANELY pissed the f off dad. She did not show.  It's one thing to not pick up the phone and call your kids, but to not follow through to pick them up. So they can see you. At the time that I'm writing this I'm beyond words. I have nothing more to say. She has really put a sour taste in their mouths. They didn't even want to call her when we got back home.

I'm not sure what is going to happen in the future.

Tracey feels like she's lied to her classmates and teacher. Friday they were asked what they were going to do over spring break. She told them that she was going to go to their moms. She got home and told us that since she wasn't going that she told a lie. I told her that she didn't tell a lie, but her mom lied. Meagan was heartbroken. Completely heartbroken. She would just stare out the window watching and waiting. Every white car that passed she waited to see if it was her mom pulling into the parking lot. Every car that passed was not her. Every minute that passed was one more minute that she realized that she wasn't going to show.

We finally had to leave at 515. On our way back, her husband Jerry called. They were still in Somerset. His mom, whom they live with and borrowed the car from, said that they had left at three, which would have put them getting to the meeting spot at 415. When Dustin talked to Jerry he said that they left after 4. Again if they left at 4 they would have gotten there by 515.  At 530 they were still in Somerset.

It's going to be  long week I'm sure as the kids filter through the emotions. Right now they are in the pissed off stage. Not sure what to expect next, but I'm sure it'll be a roller coaster.

Will this ever get easier?

We are packing up the kids for a week so that they can spend some time with their mom. I've been on a laundry marathon to get all of their clothes that they can take with them packed. The kids are undoubtedly excited while Dustin and I are dreading this. We aren't keeping them from seeing her, we just know the conditions that they are going to be staying in.

One thing that we are also making sure of is that they aren't taking any nice things down there with them. No new clothes, no earrings, no nice shoes. All of that has to stay up here. Why? We don't trust the people that hang around their mom. You see when you are addicted you will go to any lengths to get the money for that next fix. Even if it means taking nice things from your own kids.....yes it's happened to our kids.

I'm having a hard time with all of this right now. I have a pit in my stomach, and I am dreading that phone call from her saying that she was able to get a car. When we get that call that means that it's time to pack up the car and head to the meeting point.

I'm going to make the best of the day and drink another cup of coffee and finish preparing. It's going to be a quiet week here. So I may be posting more than usual.....it's so I don't go crazy since I won't get to hear from my kids until the day we pick them up. I'm going to need some added strength this week and lots of sprinkled doughnuts.

Battle in the bluegrass-Friday edition

Smell that?
That right there is March Madness in it's finest most exhilarating monumental match-ups in the state.

Today the University of Louisville is matched up against the University of Kentucky once again in the road to the final four. Today is the day where families and friends for one day become disgusted with each other, officemates trash talk all day at work, and the world only sees blue and red.

This week hasn't been a bad week, I'm just really super happy that it's the weekend.

Let's see if I can re-cap the events of the week......
The kids started girl scouts last friday and tomorrow they will be going on their first gs outing. They get to get involved and Dustin and I will have a couple of hours of "our time."

Monday I had a brilliant idea to get Meagan involved in my workouts. I'm not sure if that was a brilliant idea after not being able to walk without a waddle for most of the week. She loves it though. We go to the loop about 2 miles from our house and walk on the path. Every quarter mile (they are marked with posts) she tells me what to do which is included in the walk. For example, she told me to do 35 jumping jacks. NO PROBLEM I said, 45 toe touches SURE! 20 push-ups..................................................She is really excited about getting to work out with me. I hate the soreness that accompanies it right now, but she gets a kick out of it.

Another win for the week is that I started jogging. If there was an award for worlds slowest jogger I would be a top recipient. I think there are grannies in south Florida who power walk faster than I jog. I'm doing it though and maybe one of these years I'll actually be able to run a quarter of a mile.

It's been pretty quiet here otherwise. I hope you all have a great week and I'll check back in next Friday.

I can make this public now.....

My family and fb friends have seen the announcement already, but I got the ok to be able to announce it to the public.

I was nominated last month for an outstanding staff member for an adult learner award and I won. It's a huge honor and I'm beyond excited to have been nominated. There is an awards ceremony next week where I will be given the award. I just couldn't contain my enthusiasm and just all around thrilled.

They need to have a manual for this

It seems like right now I can't do or say anything remotely right to please the kids these days. I'm sure it's due to a lack of ability to go out and play like they want to.

Between bouts of sickness, polar vortex 1.0, 2.0, 3.0, winter storms (speaking of those-when did they start getting names?) time outside has been very limited.

M especially has been very short with me. If I tell her no she gets mad or breaks down. T has been bossy more so than the pre-teen (premadonna) backtalk. We have been through fighting with each other over a belt, having MAJOR meltdowns because her hair wasn't the way she wanted it to lay. I was even thrown under the bus for disciplining and now I treat one better than the other.

I'm trying so hard to keep my cool and take a step back but sometimes it gets underneath my skin so bad.

I'm just feeling like the underdog right now in the mom world. I know what's wrong, but I can't rectify this problem. I can't force a person to step up and be the mom that she is supposed to be. I hate to say this but sometimes I wish she would just sign over her rights or OD. That way the kids would have some closure. But then would they be even more angry or would they pick up and move on?

They get so disappointed when they don't hear from her, and when they get in touch with her its an emotional rush and then a free fall to the bottom when she repeats. Not to mention the lies and the broken promises that are ongoing. I'm trying to stay positive and nurturing, but I really do just want to curl up in a corner some days and just cry.

I feel like they take turns and tag team each other on who's going to get yelled at when. Delana looks like she's had a bad day, smart off to her today and tomorrow I won't listen worth a damn.

They are "supposed" to go down to her house for spring break, but they haven't spoken to her in two weeks. I guess we will have to make alternate plans, just in case she doesn't doesn't follow through, which is quite likely. I'm thinking I might take a day or two off so they aren't stuck at home with a babysitter all week.