Saturday, September 7, 2013
Have you seen my cape?
The past month I have learned A LOT about myself. I'm learning the art of time management and balancing work life and family life. I'm so thankful for a job that gives me some flexibility that allows me to work around the kids schedule. I'm thankful for a partner who not only is an amazing father to his daughters, but is an amazing support system. I didn't think I could fall in love with him anymore than I did, but this experience of being full time parents shows me how much love this man has. I'm so thankful to have to kids who are so loving and talented. We have had the ups and downs over the past few weeks but my love for these children grows more everyday. I hope that they know how much I would do for them. With everything that I'm learning I feel like moms around the world need superhero capes.
Friday, September 6, 2013
Super High Five For Friday!!
This week is no secret that its been a little rough around the edges. Today, although still early, has given me time to be thankful for what I have been given and not focus in on the negative.
1. 
Last night my books for my classes arrived. My criminal law book was the wrong one and it put me in a panic. This morning I collected myself and went to the bookstore and they had one more book left AND it was available to rent! Can I get a heck yes!!!!
2. 
Going back to school is NO joke. The second time around working towards a completely new degree is insane. I am often wondering if what I'm doing is the right thing. It is. I have always wanted to study and pursue something in the criminal justice field. This is my time to do this! I'm setting an example for my girls to see that hard work will pay off.
3. 
I was deemed supervisor of AWESOME at work. Yes that is a disco ball. I felt awesome and even used it in my class for my pop quiz.
4. 
The weather this week has been amazing!!!! The beginning of the week was cool in the mornings and warmed up by the afternoon, for it being September it couldn't be more perfect.
5. 
Both kids are still loving school! They are adjusting as well as can expected and they are making new friends in the apartment complex. That's great for them because I can make them o play for a little bit and I can get some homework knocked out of the way while its quiet.
Every bad thing has a silver lining. And I'm determined to make the best out of a crap-tastic situation.
Oh! This is an extra little fluff for Friday. But this guy is my work bestie. He's interviewing for a new position. 
I think he's got the job in the bag.
Thursday, September 5, 2013
I hate to say this but.....
Coming to work sometimes feels like a fresh breathe of air. It's a small break from the chaos at my house.
From the time that I wake up to the time that I literally fall into bed I'm going. I'm still getting used to hairdresser, makeup artists, chef extraordinaire, homework hotline, crafting master, queen of laundry services, linen service, bus boy, lunch lady,and the nurse jobs that I take on every day.
Some days I really don't know how other moms do this.
But here I am tying a knot at the end of my rope and I'm making a swing. Life is crazy right now. But I'm skillfully learning the art of time management, one second at a time.
From the time that I wake up to the time that I literally fall into bed I'm going. I'm still getting used to hairdresser, makeup artists, chef extraordinaire, homework hotline, crafting master, queen of laundry services, linen service, bus boy, lunch lady,and the nurse jobs that I take on every day.
Some days I really don't know how other moms do this.
But here I am tying a knot at the end of my rope and I'm making a swing. Life is crazy right now. But I'm skillfully learning the art of time management, one second at a time.
Wednesday, September 4, 2013
Hitting a brick wall with my face
Not literally.
But that's what today feels like. Both kids have had a cold since Friday. Kids love to share their germs. And share they did. I'm on day 2 with a sore/scratchy throat. I'm trying to be proactive about the germs and make minimal contact, but when you work in a job where hand shaking and being interactive with students you kind of have to throw all rules out the window. I cancelled my class last night in hopes that I would be better, I am compared to yesterday, but I'm just drained. I'm trying to decide if this is a cold coming on or if my allergies are flaring up. My personal opinion is that it is just allergies.
It's been three weeks and two days since the kids have talked to their mom. It's not from a lack of our part. Dustin has called, the kids have called, and they've even texted. All with no response. The kids are starting to feel the effects from that too. I had them write their mom a letter and I mailed it in hopes that they would get something. Right now we are still waiting. Waiting for a hi, leave me alone, I can't take this, something, anything.
I was hoping that this wouldn't happen and that the kids wouldn't feel this way. I've heard them say that they think mommy doesn't want them anymore. Dustin and I have our work cut out and explain to them that mommy does want them and that she will always be their mommy.
I need strength to get me through this. Or a lot of starbucks. No really I need strength. Watching a child just scream out because she is so angry and another who has nightmares because she feels abandoned makes you feel helpless when you don't know what to do.
The kids know that they are loved and that they are in a much better environment. But that doesn't change the fact that their mom is void right now and they are wanting to fill that void. Meagan calls me mom from time to time or makes the comment that I am "the best mom in the world." As much as it is flattering and a term of endearment, my position is not to take the place of their mom. I'm here to be a role model, a mother-like figure, but not mom. Even if I were to ever gain legal guardianship I dont think that mom would ever be a suitable name when I'm so used to them calling me by my first name.
But that's what today feels like. Both kids have had a cold since Friday. Kids love to share their germs. And share they did. I'm on day 2 with a sore/scratchy throat. I'm trying to be proactive about the germs and make minimal contact, but when you work in a job where hand shaking and being interactive with students you kind of have to throw all rules out the window. I cancelled my class last night in hopes that I would be better, I am compared to yesterday, but I'm just drained. I'm trying to decide if this is a cold coming on or if my allergies are flaring up. My personal opinion is that it is just allergies.
It's been three weeks and two days since the kids have talked to their mom. It's not from a lack of our part. Dustin has called, the kids have called, and they've even texted. All with no response. The kids are starting to feel the effects from that too. I had them write their mom a letter and I mailed it in hopes that they would get something. Right now we are still waiting. Waiting for a hi, leave me alone, I can't take this, something, anything.
I was hoping that this wouldn't happen and that the kids wouldn't feel this way. I've heard them say that they think mommy doesn't want them anymore. Dustin and I have our work cut out and explain to them that mommy does want them and that she will always be their mommy.
I need strength to get me through this. Or a lot of starbucks. No really I need strength. Watching a child just scream out because she is so angry and another who has nightmares because she feels abandoned makes you feel helpless when you don't know what to do.
The kids know that they are loved and that they are in a much better environment. But that doesn't change the fact that their mom is void right now and they are wanting to fill that void. Meagan calls me mom from time to time or makes the comment that I am "the best mom in the world." As much as it is flattering and a term of endearment, my position is not to take the place of their mom. I'm here to be a role model, a mother-like figure, but not mom. Even if I were to ever gain legal guardianship I dont think that mom would ever be a suitable name when I'm so used to them calling me by my first name.
Tuesday, September 3, 2013
Happy birthday to my momma!
She has been my rock, savior, confidant, pillow, and role model. The only person who knows exactly how to talk me down from a severe anxiety attack. She pushes me to succeed and celebrates every triumph that I encounter. She has been through every breakup and fight. She has wiped away countless tears. Momma I know you won't read this unless I make you. But I hope you have a wonderful day today. Loves you bunches mums! 
Monday, September 2, 2013
This is a hard job
Today was definitely a test of will. If it wasn't both kids fighting with each other it was the attitudes and the smart mouths. I wanted to leave just so I could have a few minutes of no fighting, crying, or yelling. Moms out there mad props to ya! Today was rough I need mommy advice!
This weekend both kids have been pretty much stuck inside because they came home with colds. The added indoor time has proven to be a little too much close time for each other.
The past two days attitudes have really surfaced and annoyance is getting the best of them. Tracey is at the stage where playing with her little sister isn't as fun as it used to be. Meagan is still in the imagination stage so playing with dolls and games are still interesting to her.
Today both girls were playing with their American Girl dolls and having a good time. They were laughing and enjoying their time together. Next thing I know I'm hearing screams and wailing from both girls coming from their bedroom. I go in there and they were fighting. Geez girls are fiesty. They were clawing, biting, and pinching each other to the point where it was about to draw blood.
I sat both girls down and tried to get the story as to what happened, and I just got more arguing. I'm not the best disciplinarian out of the two so my solution is to sit them in time out and make them think it out. Normally I will follow the age/minute rule. You know 1 year=1 minute, but today I feel requires something longer because there was physicalness going on between the two.
Over the course of the weekend I have heard so much how much each sister hates one another. And today, I have heard that Tracey wants to move back to her moms. Both girls are still sitting in time out. I'm making them write each other apology letters and why they do not hate their sister. I told them that they had to continue to sit in time out until their dad got home to talk to them.
My question for the moms out there...hopefully you can give this step mom some advice (I hope). What's a suitable punishment for an 8 and 10 year old who have so much anger built up that they result in fighting each other? Is this normal?
This is definitely one of the areas where I am lost when it comes to figuring out what to do. I now feel sorry for what I put my mom through as a kid.
The past two days attitudes have really surfaced and annoyance is getting the best of them. Tracey is at the stage where playing with her little sister isn't as fun as it used to be. Meagan is still in the imagination stage so playing with dolls and games are still interesting to her.
Today both girls were playing with their American Girl dolls and having a good time. They were laughing and enjoying their time together. Next thing I know I'm hearing screams and wailing from both girls coming from their bedroom. I go in there and they were fighting. Geez girls are fiesty. They were clawing, biting, and pinching each other to the point where it was about to draw blood.
I sat both girls down and tried to get the story as to what happened, and I just got more arguing. I'm not the best disciplinarian out of the two so my solution is to sit them in time out and make them think it out. Normally I will follow the age/minute rule. You know 1 year=1 minute, but today I feel requires something longer because there was physicalness going on between the two.
Over the course of the weekend I have heard so much how much each sister hates one another. And today, I have heard that Tracey wants to move back to her moms. Both girls are still sitting in time out. I'm making them write each other apology letters and why they do not hate their sister. I told them that they had to continue to sit in time out until their dad got home to talk to them.
My question for the moms out there...hopefully you can give this step mom some advice (I hope). What's a suitable punishment for an 8 and 10 year old who have so much anger built up that they result in fighting each other? Is this normal?
This is definitely one of the areas where I am lost when it comes to figuring out what to do. I now feel sorry for what I put my mom through as a kid.
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